8 Days Late and a Few Brain Cells Short

10/26/06 1:32 PM 0 Comments

October 18th was the official 1-year anniversary of Shawed’s existence.

Many of you may be wondering how such an important event could be overlooked. I’ll tell you it’s easy when the real life becomes more interesting than internet life. I’ll leave it at that for an explanation. So what’s on tap for the commemorative blog post? How about this:

Vampires a Mathematical Impossibility

An idiot tries to debunk the existence of vampires without knowing any vampire lore. This article definitely interested me when I read the title. Here’s the main excerpt:

Efthimiou's debunking logic: On Jan 1, 1600, the human population was 536,870,911. If the first vampire came into existence that day and bit one person a month, there would have been two vampires by Feb. 1, 1600. A month later there would have been four, and so on. In just two-and-a-half years the original human population would all have become vampires with nobody left to feed on.

Obviously Efthy (my nickname for him) doesn’t know his vampire info very well. His calculation would be correct if a bite turned people into vampires. Being very vampire-interested myself, I can say with full confidence that this is not how vampires make other vampires. In order for a person to become a vampire, the vampire must drink the person’s blood and the person must drink the vampire’s blood. Another popular theory is that the vamp could just open both sets of veins and let the blood mingle. Either way, the blood of a vamp is required for this transformation. Bites only work with werewolves. It’s amazing that people can research these “myths” in the name of “science” and still confuse vamp and wolfie birth mechanisms. Where is my proof of the vamp blood being required? Check out the following resources:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Seasons 1-7

Angel, Seasons 1-5

Bram Stoker’s Dracula

Anne Rice’s Interview with a Vampire

Christopher Pike’s Season of Passage and The Last Vampire Series

Stoker’s Dracula is the most influential tale of vampirism to exist in this world. His book has sold millions of copies in dozens of languages. You think Efthy could have bothered to pick up a copy before proving that vamps “don’t exist” by using math.

Wal-Mart Scaling Back

Wal-Mart has finally decided to scale back building so many new stores in the next fiscal year. Apparently building a new store 10 miles from an existing one cannibalizes sales. Who would have guessed that?

Hmm, maybe McDonald’s? Their original strategy (and as current as the 1995 publication, McDonald’s: Behind the Arches) was to build a McDonald’s every five minutes apart. That way if you forgot to order something you could pull right through another drive-thru. I’m sorry Wal-Mart, but if McDonald’s can’t do it successfully, what makes you think you can? McD’s is one of the original franchising pioneers, and one of the few still to remain in business all this time.

Wal-Mart apparently has been cautioned and warned by analysts for a few years now that they need to reduce capital spending, but did they listen? No. They are only changing their business strategy now that they have reached their credit borrowing limit. Also, they are starting to feel the heat from their better quality competitors, like Target.

I’m going to go out on a limb and predict that this may be the first stone to fall out of place in the Wal-Mart empire. They won’t cease to exist entirely, but they may start to feel the backlash for some of their business practices. Manufacturers may start pushing back on them, as W-M as pushed them to the bare minimum price points and sometimes below, which has caused many to lower their quality standards. W-M employees may find other similar franchises a better fit for employment. W-M is already feeling the heat in some new areas in which it would like to expand its operations for its treatment of employees. Anyway, it will be interesting to see what happens to the retail giant.

Bush Builds a Fence

This time the idiot is really pushing hard for his backyard fence project. What are we? Childish neighbors? Yes, immigration, especially illegal, is cause for concerns for many - but a fence to protect our nation’s border? I thought he was crazy when he was claiming that God was guiding him, but now it sounds like he’s in conference with Wile E. Coyote.

If anyone sees them together at the ACME store picking out TNT and wire, please alert Bush's responsible adult.

H8FUELED Continues

After a call to readers to help decide H8FUELED’s new direction, the results have been posted. Most readers wanted the blog to continue to be the hodgepodge of entertainment it’s been for the last few months. Since this blog inspired Shawed, I’d like to give a shout out to Trevor Danger for finally realizing that randomness should be his true direction. (The posts are way more entertaining when they aren’t contrived).

Late and Live Halloween Fun

You have several chances for some last minute Halloween thrills this weekend and early next week. Here are my recommendations for TV scares:

Ghost Hunters

LIVE broadcast of an investigation. 10/31 starts at 11 pm and last for 6 hours, Sci-Fi channel. Record this one! Ghost Hunters is the most scientific paranormal investigation show on the air. TAPS does an excellent job of trying to disprove evidence.

Scariest Places on Earth

MARATHON of old shows leading up to 2 new episodes. 10/29 starts at 12 pm and runs to 12 am on ABC Family. New episodes at 8 pm, 9 pm. If you like the stories and don’t care whether they are fact or fiction, record it.

Most Haunted

LIVE broadcast of an investigation. 10/29 starts at 4 pm runs to 7 pm on the Travel Channel. 10/30, 10/31 – rebroadcast at 4 pm, 8 pm, and 11 pm. Sort of like a British Ghost Hunters except they are the exact opposite of TAPS. No science here. Séances, possessions, and people being creeped out in the dark. My money is on Derek for at least one possession before the night is over.


“If you don’t turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else’s story.” – The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents