How do you get that Shawed feeling?

11/17/05 3:53 PM Shawed 1 Comments

You may be wondering how you achieve the feeling of being "shawed". Let me assist you in finding this joyous feeling. Please read the letter below and note how you feel afterwards. That, my friends, is shawed.

T,
Let's get things in the open. 1. I'm not pregnant, so you don't have to worry about your life being destroyed. 2. Leave me alone.
You had your chance with me and you blew it. The way you treated me, and the fact that you ran up my phone bill with text messages (because you were afraid to talk to me), is enough for me to not want to have anything to do with you. We could have been friends (which is all I wanted in the first place), but you had to ruin that by being an ass. When we hooked up, I didn't think much about it. Then you started this candy/hearts/flowers bullshit to make me think you wanted something more. Of course after you got what you wanted from me (which I can now see was just sex), you started being a completely unintelligible jerk. Your so-called reasons only make sense when the truth is stated. You used me for sex and were too much of a wimp to admit it to me or yourself.
In light of this turn of events, I want nothing to do with you. I hope you find your happiness with someone dumb enough to fall for this shit. I am very insulted that you thought I would fall for your line of crap like the white trash girls you usually associate with. Let me make this clear: I never needed you, and never will. I am not angry. I just don't give a shit about you or your pathetic problems. I am assuming that you kept in contact with me just to make sure that I wasn't pregnant. Well, now you know, so you can cease bullshitting me about being friends. I know what a real friend is, and you are not it.
Besides, I'm smart, attractive and witty. I can do much better than you. Maybe that's why I only wanted to be friends in the first place. Since you never had much to offer (other than something to pass the time) and you certainly don't now. I don't have any time or room for you in my life beyond this email.
Don't bother to try to talk to me about this email. Like you, I have nothing more to say, except maybe "F*ck you".
M
*names were changed to protect the moronic.

That feeling that you have? The slackjawed, stunned, slightly overwhelmed feeling? That is Shawed, in it's true essence. I hope we all learn a lesson from this. Don't mess with a girl that has really smart friends.