Sad Times: Blogs, Raccoons, Lions, and Sea Lions

I loved this one because I know HFB-D and she does make woodland sounds. The part that had me ROFLMFAO was the aside about velociraptors. The worst part was I was at work and I'm sure people thought I was having a seizure because I was shaking so hard.

"To try and squeeze SOME kind of enjoyment out of this arduous process, I engage the stripper in some deep, meaningful conversation.
FILTHY STRIPPER: Hey, sexy. What's your name?
ME: Leopold, but you can call me Barry.
WHORE: Hello, Barry. I'm Roxanne. How are you feeling tonight?
ME: Pretty down. I really hope we don't go to war with Iran.
WHORE: Yeah. That would suck. Are you in the military?
ME: No, I just really like Iran as a country.
WHORE: Oh. So, do you want...
ME: I think it all goes back to the time I read the Koran from cover to cover. Fascinating book. Have you ever read it?
WHORE: Um, no. Say, do you want to...
ME: It's really informative, even if the ending is pretty cliche..."

Anytime you're browsing the site and see the drama set up, you know you're in for a treat. If TD doesn't ever blog again, he should at least look into a career as a sitcom writer. His skits are a lot better than most of the crap being shoveled right now (excluding The Office as awesome, which may have also opened the door for TD's style).

"Enjoy your drunkeness, for you've earned it. Nevermind the reasons WHY you drink: You could simply fear sobriety and the constant paranoia you face thinking about the government; you could just want the numb embrace of liquor to save you from realizing how fucking stupid our world is; or, you could just be a miserable sumbitch who's only solace comes with a bottle of scotch. Remember, though, that no matter how bad life is, you've always got a way of coping. Healthy or not, drinking is still cooler than listening to Linkin Park."

If the sitcom thing doesn't work out, maybe he should consider a career in lobbying for alcohol. The passion is definitely there as well as ample justifications.

While this doesn't give you the whole picture of the blog - so much of it is so damn good and so well-written - it at least gives you a taste of what we're now all missing out on. Just remember TD, you always have an open invitation to Shawed any time you feel the urge to post. H8FUELED and its contribution to the blogosphere will be sorely missed by many, many non-commenting bastards.

RACCOONS

Apparently raccoons have been forming gangs in California so they can now participate in gang violence. These little scavengers have been attacking dogs and shredded one up pretty bad. People are beginning to get scared. They can't let their dogs out unsupervised or enjoy sitting on their porches. California laws prohibit removal of the clever fiends due to the living with wildlife policy. What do you want to bet there suddenly becomes a high demand for coonhounds in Cali?

I feel sorry for the people and their dogs, but I also feel bad for the little critters. Food must be pretty scarce or the population is getting too big because it takes some big fuzzy balls to face down people and their dogs when you're only about 18" high.

LIONS

Rare Abyssinian lion cubs are being poisoned at a zoo in Ethiopia because the staff cannot afford to keep them. Their solution? The dead cubs are sold to taxidermists for $170 each to be stuffed and sold as decorations - even though they are the national symbol and there's only about 1,000 left in the wild. Hmm... seems to me that if I were running a zoo and couldn't afford to keep an endangered species I would try to find another zoo somewhere to take them. No let's kill them and stuff them so one day when they're all gone somebody will discover a stuffed one in an attic somewhere and that's closest anyone in the future will ever get to seeing a real one. I know the zoo officials have a budget to maintain, but there has to be some other way to handle this situation. I know, how about if someone poisons the genius behind this plan and stuffs them?

SEA LIONS

It's another attack story. Sea lions are apparently becoming very vicious off the Californian coast. Attacking swimmers and fisherman and such. Of course weighing in at approximately 1,000 lbs and being so strong in numbers makes them a big threat. The sad part is there's a big suspicion that the sea lions have turned so ferocious from eating fish that are contaminated by a toxic algae bloom caused by agricultural pollution. A food shortage further down the coast and the habit of fisherman feeding them seafood scraps hasn't helped the situation any. In fact, a group of sea lions managed to take out a yacht. Of course once the sea lions form the ultimate alliance with the raccoons, we can kiss Cali goodbye.

WWF

If you're feeling in a giving mood this holiday season, why not give something to the World Wildlife Fund? They work to try to find and support habitats for wildlife to protect the humans and animals from each other. 83% of the funds they receive go directly to the local programs they support. For a worldwide program of their size, that's really, really good. Right now you can adopt a variety of wildlife for as little as a $25 donation. Of course they'll be grateful for any amount you're willing to send their way.